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Look Closer

God never really leave me alone.
Dua kata basi yang selalu diucapkan orang-orang, tapi nggak ada yang pernah benar-benar bisa memaknai dua hal tersebut, apalagi prakteknya. Bersyukur dan ikhlas. Termasuk aku. Apalagi di fase baru di kehidupanku. Ngeluuuh aja bawaannya. Apalagi kalo ngeliat rumput tetangga, kok kayaknya ijo bener ya. Ya gitulah, apa aja dikeluhin. Yang sebenernya bisa untuk nggak dikeluhin, juga pasti dikeluhin. Dari jamnya, kegiatannya, orang-orangnya, susah dikit ngeluh, capek dikit ngeluh, things go wrong ngeluh. Ditambah dengan orang-orang di sekeliling yang berpikiran hal yang sama.

Tapi coba deh lihat lagi. Really? How dare me to complain for things I've ever really wanted to! Ya, aku memang pernah sangat-sangat menginginkannya. Dan ketika Allah benar-benar memberinya, memberi kesempatan untuk benar-benar belajar, apa lantas pantas kalo aku menyerah sebelum benar-benar berusaha mencintainya?

So I looked closer, and found that it's not that bad. Nggak seburuk itu, kok. Di antara jam-jam tersebut, memang ada jam-jam paling sibuk-mau-mati, tapi juga BANYAK idle time-nya. Banyak waktu istirahatnya. Dan aku banyak belajar. Untuk hal-hal yang dari dulu memang membuatku penasaran. Dan orang-orangnya. Di antara orang-orang nggak enak itu, I'm surrounded by angels. Bless me.

Sampai aku berada pada satu titik kesimpulan. God never ever really let myself feel lonely. No matter how hard it'd be, God never leave me by myself. God sent me those beautiful people to help me. Alhamdulillah. Nggak ada yang benar-benar pasti dengan masa depan. Mengapa begitu fokus dengan masa depan, dan jadi lupa kalo masa depan itu dimulai dari hari ini.

So why complain? Menambah kualitas keikhlasan untuk hal-hal kecil yang lupa kita syukuri juga nggak ada salahnya. :)


Think again,



NEY.
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Kompas TV



This is where I work all this time. Enjoy! :)



Ney.
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Facts at Work

Some of you maybe wonder what do I do. Here are some clues...




Yea, right... :))
New friends, new meats. Yumm! #drooling

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Not-So-Love-Letter

I don't know whom I'm talking with, so here I am talking to my self.

I hope, one day he would read this. No matter where he will be in the future. That I've ever loved him, and cared about him. I really did. A lot. But I just can't accept the fact that you've changed. Did you notice that? I do understand that you're a busy bee, the fact that you didn't get excited anymore when you see me, that you wanna spend your little spare time with your friends instead of me. I really do understand, that you need spaces. I do. I've tried so damn hard to bring our butterflies back. You know, I could bring back mine, but yours are out of my control.

And something that you said to me, really open my eyes. Wide.
And I don't wanna hold you from the one you'll be loved. With all your heart.

So, if someone, in the future ask, "What happened? Why it didn't work out?" You could just answered it with a simple line, "What always happened, life."

Believe me. I've tried. I stucked. And I lost my self. And it doesn't suppose to go like this.

There's a phase that I'm sure of with you, that at that time, I wanna build my future with you. But you've changed. Among billions characters in the world I could tolerate, you've changed to be someone I really couldn't.

Every night, I pray, I cry, just to beg to God to bring the-old-version-of-you back to me, if you're my one. I just can't take another game, another drama. I just can't, dear Almighty God. I just wanna have a simple life, as simple as I love him and he loves me back. Loves me for who I am, my passion, my life, and my family. For their best and worst. Just like I'll do to his. Is that so bad?

And right now I haven't stop my praying, if you're asking. I still do have faith, of you, right now. Miracles do happen, I believe. And if they don't, they will. They will find you someone you love and loves you back, and me too. I will always love you, in a different way. But maybe, this is the last time I use one of my particular label for my articles. I dont know how God works.

Live well.

Sincerely yours,

Heart
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Nowhere

I don't know what to believe anymore.

God, I beg You. Help me. I'm lost.
Please, show me the way.

I'm really begging You.
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Kak Iga's



Right. So my high school friend claimed me cause I never update my blog.
Sooo, because I don't know what to write, here I am posting our 'hang-out'.

Feels like HUNDRED years since I hang-out with them.
One word. FUN.


Cheers.

P.s: Happy newlywed to my dear sister, Iga Ismaya. Best wishes! Woohoo!
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Through The Rain


When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught and in pain
Without anyone

We keep prayin’ to saved
But nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can’t
Find your way home
You can get there alone
It’s okay
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on

Step fastly
And you’ll find what you need
To prepare
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

And when the wind moves
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face
And sure they tell you
You’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate
Stay calm and sane

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

P.s: Yes I'll hold my faith tighter
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Thing Annoys Me: This Rude Guy


You don't have to be rude to your friends just to make you look cool.
That's NOT cool, dude!

Just.... GROW UP! AND GET LOST! For Godsake.
MYOB. Would you?!

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BMT #3

New friends.

Wish me the very luck,

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59th

When I was a child...
Dad picked me up to my room when I fell asleep in front of TV
Dad cheered me up when I was sad
Dad bought me dolls to make me happy
Dad protected me from bad people
Dad believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself
Dad taught me how to be a good and respected lady
Dad let me know what is a good man

When I met my boyfriend...
He picked me up when I fainted at school
He cheers me up when I was sad
He bought me flowers to make me happy
He protects me from bad people
He believes in me, even when I don't believe in myself
He treats me like I'm a good and respected lady
He proved me that it's true, there's a good man, just like my dad

I love you, dad. Very much. As always.
Happy 59th! :')


From your 'still-nobody' daughter,

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Motivations



Sumber: Tumblr


L O V E I T !



P.s: They right about how many wolves 'out there', but the thing is I'm just a damn puppy. Wuff.
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Finally...

sunrise at the office

Setelah menunggu selama lebih dari sebulan, dan menganggur selama dua bulan, AKHIRNYA... Nggak tau juga sih ini sebenarnya sudah bisa disebut pekerjaan atau belum, tapi memang saya masih dibayar untuk belajar. And, alhamdulillah this thing really is my dream job.

Some of you, like my bestfriend, maybe wondering, "Have you been a zombie?"

Yaa karena itu tadi, kok mau-maunya dateng ke kantor pas matahari belum terbit, dan pulang dari kantor setelah matahari terbenam. And the answer is, maybe I'm an excited zombie.

I won't lie, it's exhausting, but I really am enjoying it! I can't wait myself busier than this, actually. Haha.

Can't wait where life leads me to...



P.s: I maybe can't actively post some articles or photos on this blog and tumblr in the future, boohoo me, but I will do my best. Anyhoo, my new friends are THE BEST! I can't believe how blessed I am, alhamdulillah...
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Royal Wedding

Everyone who followed Royal Wedding maybe noticed Kissing Moments in Balcony Appearance. But did you notice this?

Cute little girl! I know it must be sooo loud out there... :D

Checkmate! Catherine, you've taken the king!
Congratulation!




P.s: pic source with a lil of my own modification.
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Miracles Do Happen Everyday

Ucapan Terima Kasih

Kepada Allah SWT, atas semua hal yang telah Engkau hadiahkan untukku: jalan terbaik, orang-orang terbaik, dan segala kemudahan. Terima kasih Engkau masih berkenan mendengarkan doa hamba. I couldn't ask for more.

Untuk kedua orang tua, (nama orang tua), atas semua support-nya, mulai dari finansial, moril, spiritual, bahkan 'kartu pers'-nya. Terima kasih juga atas pertanyaan-pertanyaannya yang akhirnya membuat saya 'gerah' juga. I may not the best kid in the world for you, guys, but you're absolutely the greatest parents ever.

Untuk (nama pembimbing), pembimbing terbaik yang bisa didapat seorang mahasiswa. Terima kasih.

Dan yang terakhir, untuk Olan Maulana, Yes you, my not-so-stranger lover. Thank you for the critiques, loves, and beliefs. Even when I don't believe in myself. Thank you for existing.


Tadi nggak sengaja ketemu skripsi sendiri, dan ngebaca (lagi) ucapan terima kasihnya. Haa, telat banget ya baru posting ini sekarang.

Jadi inget waktu bikin ucapan terima kasih ini bener-bener dadakan banget, karena udah terlanjur ke tempat fotokopi, dan tentu saja mepet dengan deadline (yea right, I'm Ms. Deadliner), dan nggak sempet untuk bolak-balik lagi cuma buat mikirin ucapan terima kasih. Untungnya saya bawa laptop. Alhasil bikin langsung jadi aja deh. :D

Haa, teringat pula masa-masa bikin skripsi. Yang. Benar. Benar. Nggak. Mudah.

Mulai dari gonta-ganti judul -- nggak cuma 1, atau 2, tapi 3 kali -- gara-gara narasumbernya kejauhan kek, nggak mau diwawancara kek, sampe ada yang NGGAK PUNYA DATA. Oh Indonesiaku tercinta.

That was the lowest point of my life.
Dan yang pasti sih melawan diri sendiri itu yang susah, apalagi setelah ganti judul. Kok yaa down-nya susah ilangnya. Bayangkan aja, selama 3 kali ganti judul, berapa bulan down-nya kalau ditotal.

Kalau ditanya gimana akhirnya kok bisa bangkit lagi, sebenarnya prosesnya agak aneh. Saya itu memang tipe orang yang senang 'menyiksa' diri sendiri. Dikala orang-orang harus disemangati supaya bisa bangkit, saya butuh dimaki-maki. And thanks God, my boyfriend did that.

Nggak maki-maki juga sih sebenarnya, tapi lumayan pedas juga. Dan komentar itu selalu datang di saat-saat tak terduga, misal:

"Duh, capek nih yang,"
"Kamu kan nggak ngapa-ngapain, kok bisa capek? Kerjain sana skripsinya!"
"......"

Atau

"Kamu udah ngerjain skripsi belum?"
"Belum. Abis aku nggak ngerti."
"Gimana mau ngerti, orang nggak pernah dikerjain."
"....."

Kejam memang. Tapi benar. I hate that, especially when he's right. X(


Tapi komentar-komentar itu yang bikin aku merasa tercambuk, selain fakta bahwa orang tua yang akan pensiun, dan yang lainnya juga. Belum lagi si pembimbing yang nggak membantu banget karena doyan banget ngejatuhin mental orang. Plus, tidak banyak menolong di saat sidang. Contoh:

"Tuh Ney, kayak si A dong. Udah beres, tinggal revisi kecil-kecilan" Padahal si A ada di sebelah saya. Dan tebak aja, mukanya udah sombong berat, cyiin...
"Ah, kamu ke mana aja? Giliran mepet-mepet baru muncul."
"Let's see. Nggak janji ya bisa lulus Februari."
"Mending kamu bayar buat semester depan, udah nggak mungkin ini mah."

Atau pas sidang waktu dibantai dosen lain,
"Bukannya bagian ini udah kita bahas ya? Kok nggak diganti?" Padahal demi Allah, dia nggak bilang apa-apa waku bimbingan. Malah dia bilang bagus.

Atau pas saya nge-joke biar nggak nervous saat sebelum mulai sidang, tiba-tiba dia bilang, "Kayaknya nggak lucu ya, kita mulai aja." Padahal dosen-dosen lain senyum-senyum.

Kalau sekarang dipikir-pikir, kok bisa ya saya nggak emosi? Kok bisa betah ya? Padahal saya itu emosiaaaaaann banget orangnya.

Tapi, saya juga nggak lupa juga waktu dia bilang gini saat bimbingan terakhir,
"Wah padahal saya pikir kamu nggak akan selesai, ternyata selesai juga."

Atau di depan orang lain, saya dijadikan contoh karena skripsi saya bisa beres dalam waktu 6 minggu. Six hell weeks, hell yeah.

Atau pada saat tanda tangan terakhir, saya sempat bertanya pada dia, dimana si A. Mengapa saya tidak melihatnya pada saat sidang. Dan dia menjawab,
"Oh si A nggak bisa sidang, karena nilai TOEFL-nya nggak memenuhi."

See? Miracles happen every single day. All you have to do is work your ass off and just believe. Anjingnya banyak banget soalnya. Nggak usah didengerin. Dan itulah mengapa di salah satu poin terima kasih saya ada beliau.

My favourite quote:
Don't say "God, I have a big problem", but "Problem, I have a bigger God" instead.


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