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Yesterday, I was turning 26.
Exactly, 26 years old.

Jujur, sebenernya setengah gak percaya, setengahnya lagi agak menyangkal. Hahaha.
Twenty-six is a lil bit late twenties, right.

To be exactly, 26 of my existence life I feel like I haven't done anything yet. But if I must say, Alhamdulillah ya Rabb, I've been blessed no matter what. Have a wonderful boyfriend, to love and to be loved, have a so-much-better job, working our ass off reaching our goal to have our little dream house. And to be honest, even in my dream I couldn't imagine life could be this great.

Dan belum berhenti sampai di situ.

Daya imajinasiku yang cukup pas-pasan ini sebenarnya tidak pernah menuntut apapun. Maka waktu hari itu terjadi, I didn't expect anything. As simple as I could spend our quality time together. That's it.

And then there he was...
Sitting in front of me and made me close my eyes.
And then he took it out. And I opened my eyes...
(Gosh, I still can't help my heart when writing this)

And he said it.
The magic words.

I guessed I was flying over the moon.

If i didn’t have you then what will become of me ?
If i had never have you girl, how would my life be
Would i be the same? If i’d be loving another name
Would i stay untamed? Would there be any aim?
So whom i will be
                                                    -Daniel Sahuleka-

A word I never thought of before.
And it's before my eyes now.


Who knows a little rock could make a girl so happy.

With Love,
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New School

Welcoming my new school. Bismillah.
Wait for the updates.


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A Goodbye

Just wanna update an important step of my carreer life. Pretty much since 3 years I've been in a same company, doing the same thing, deal with the same person. And, one phone call a week ago changed everything.

I never been offered something important, particularly a job. Even from small company. That day, with their biggest name in TV & movie industry, they called me to offer something I can't resist. Because that's what I really wanted from a year ago. Yes, dreams do come true.

I said yes. But right in the moment, I felt scared, doubt, sad, and everything. But still, I said yes.

Then I remembered all of my friends I have here in my old office. Their gags, jokes, dirty jokes, goofiness, clumsiness, randomness, friendships. Irreplaceable. They probably think it's easy for me to leave. They just don't know. I will miss all of this. :(

So here I am, trying to make great memories in a month. So when I leave, they only remember good ones of mine. I remembered everyone's birthday and make a sweet surprise plan to them, because when my birthday comes in the end of September, I won't be here anymore. And probably my new friends haven't known it yet. So yeah, I feel like I'm dying, but the thing is, it feels pretty much the same.

Some peoples say "work-universe is cruel, you won't get any true friends or nice bosses at the office." Wrong. I had one.

Viva forever, RT Podjok. We'll meet again, sure. Trust yourself. You are all worthy, even if those-sucks-HRD-guys didn't say so.



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Love Letter #1

Dear my future kids,

Hi, kiddos. Today is 1 day after international mom's day. I will be 26 this year, and no, I haven't married yet. So it's still kinda long way to go before I have you.

I know being mom is quite something. Though I'm sure I'll do it my best, still I know at some point I will let you down, disappointed you. I guess make everyone happy is impossible, right?

But, let me promise you something in the middle of the night, 12th of may, 2014. Someday, when I have you, I will make sure of me to try my very best to bring your very best out. And I swear not to make you feel, even little, less loved by me. Because when I do have you, I will love love love you. Very much.

So, I guess, until we meet then.

With Love,
Your Future-Mom

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This Phase

You'll know you're gonna pass the 'single-phase' in an exact second online stores don't have any of your interest anymore, cute shoes lose their flirting-side, branded bags even don't seem like important anymore. 

And you're interested more in financial management issues, house interior designs, furnitures & home-appliances seem more appealing, or instead of going to the Cinema 21, you prefer going to Ace Hardware or Informa.

And those 'sacrifices' you're doing, you're doing it with pleasures.

Well, I'm not trying to generalizing others.
But, that phase of my life is happening right now.

God, guide us. Be brave.
Neysa Rismalina
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When A Thing Leads to Another

People said a picture could pictured many things inside.

These are few of much memories that left behind in Bali. And they will always remind me of stepping stones Allah gave to me. Even in my wildest dream, I never thought I could experience something like this.


Neysa Rismalina
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Rezeki Bukan Putri....yang Bisa Tertukar


Awal 2014 (sampai dengan April) dalam hidup gue, mungkin jika dibandingkan dengan timeline kehidupan di bumi, mirip dengan 'Dark Ages' alias 'Masa-masa Kegelapan'. Mungkin isi otak gue ibarat European culture yang lagi stagnan dan kehilangan kreativitasnya. Entahlah. Kelam aja gitu.

Beberapa minggu yang lalu, gue terpaksa (dipaksa) bedrest sama dokter. Alasannya agak memalukan sebetulnya... Katanya fisik gue menunjukkan gejala depresi. Men, gue tuh terlihat seperti selemah-lemahnya manusia, tau ga sih. Hahaha.

Anyway, tapi setelah diteliti. Well, gue tau sebabnya. Apalagi kalo bukan masalah pekerjaan. Mulai dari workload segunung, dengan kurangnya SDM, sampe THE F* DRAMA. (sorry for the words, I just can't help it, lol.)

Berawal dari sini, berujung ke dompet. Well, jujur aja gue merasa pekerjaan ini sudah menyita waktu gue, kehidupan sosial gue, emosi dan segala perasaan gue, dan sekarang berujung di fisik gue. Menurut gue, ketika lo harus 'mengorbankan' kehidupan pribadi lo untuk pekerjaan, it's not healthy anymore, guys.

That's why gue mulai merasa gak worth it. Terutama drama & politiknya sih, hahaha. Gue pun yakin, di setiap kantor pasti ada begininya. Tapi yang gue gak yakin adalah apakah dramanya segininya juga. Well... Secara ini kantor pertama sejak kelulusan gue.

Gue pun mulai mencari 'sampingan'. Sebenarnya, alasan pertama bukan karena duitnya (walaupun itu penting banget juga, hahaha), tapi yang paling penting adalah 'sampingan' gue as a photographer ini is my new getaway. Dimana di satu sisi, fotografi adalah obat waras gue, dan sisi lain gue bisa nambah pengalaman dengan dibayar. What else could be more fun than that?

Well, sampailah pada minggu ini gue dapet job ke Bali dari salah satu teman gue yang sekarang kerja di salah satu TV internasional yang ada di Jakarta. Gue di-hire jadi event photographer-nya. 

Seneng lah. Ke Bali, gratis, mewah, dibayar lagi. Alhamdulillah...

Tapi bukan itu intinya. 

Di satu sore ini, di sela-sela pemotretan, gue sama si teman gue ini tetiba kelaperan. Setelah mengikuti keinginan dia yang mau ke Domino's, berangkatlah kita...

Tapi waktu sampe di sana, randomly gue ngeliat Burger King dan jadi pengen beli. Akhirnya gue dan teman gue ini pun belok arah. 

Gak disangka, di dalem Burger King ada yang manggil gue...

"Neysa, ya? Inget gue ga? Zia.."

Gosh. Zia ini adalah teman SMA gue yang gak pernah gue liat atau kedengeran lagi kabarnya SEJAK lulus SMA. Gokil ga tuh? 

Ternyata doi jadi store manager di situ. Gokil ya... Gue pun amazed atas prestasi dia, yang udah jadi manager di umur gue gini, yang mana gue masih jadi cungpret. Anyway, tau dia jawab apa?

"Duh gue malah ngiri sama lo, fotografer udah bisa keliling Bali gratis, nginep di hotel mewah segala.. Gue cuma begini."

DEG. Gue merasa gue gak bersyukur.

I believe every-single-thing is happened for reasons. Dan menurut gue, pertemuan macam ini, terlalu aneh untuk disebut sebagai 'coincidence'. Ya gak sih? 

Allah listened every-single-word you say in your pray. Dan dia menjawab semua gejala depresi, kegelisahan, kesedihan, keputus-asaan gue ini with a little 'coincidence' sweet meeting and a simple line from a very old friend.

Bahwa manusia itu, selalu merasa dirinya paling menderita. Dan mereka sendiri yang membuat diri mereka sendiri tidak bahagia.

Dan bahwa, rezeki itu tidak akan pernah bisa tertukar. Bagaimanapun caranya.

"Ya Allah, jika rezekiku masih di langit, turunkanlah. Dan jika  di dalam bumi, keluarkanlah. Jika sukar, permudahkanlah. Jika haram, sucikanlah. Dan jika jauh, dekatkanlah."

Keep the faith,

(my gigantic room in Bali, and it's free.)
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Don't Lose Faith Yet

Ngerti banget sih, di dunia ini nggak ada yang namanya kebetulan. And I believe, Allah SWT had a greater plan for me. 

Ada banyak hal yang terjadi recently. Till I find myself this morning, wondering... Allah sayang banget sama saya. Hal-hal yang selama ini menjadi ketakutan saya, dibuktikan oleh-Nya with a simple, "you don't have to worry, anymore..."

Bahkan ketika saya alpha.

Tapi namanya manusia... 

"What if" itu racun. Barusan iseng browsing facebook dan menemukan teman-teman zaman kuliah dan SMA. Wow! Facebook itu bukti nyata how life could change us. Mulai dari yang menikah, punya anak yang lucu-lucu, sampai nerusin kuliah di luar negeri dan punya pacar bule, atau yang ikut suaminya ke luar negeri dan berkarier di sana.

Padahal dulu sekolahnya bareng lho...

Ngiri banget.

Mengingatkan mimpi-mimpi besar yang dulu pernah saya punya juga. 


Allah memang sayang banget sama saya. Hal-hal yang selama ini menjadi ketakutan saya, dibuktikan oleh-Nya with a simple, "you don't have to worry, anymore..."

Dia tidak memberi apa yang saya ingin. Tapi secara nggak sadar, Dia memberi apa yang saya minta. Hal-hal yang jika sekarang saya pikir dengan logika... Nggak mungkin banget. Even in my biggest and surreal dreams. Sekarang beneran jadi kenyataan.

Allah memang sayang banget sama saya. Dia mengganti pengalaman yang ingin saya dapatkan dengan pengalaman lain yang nggak kalah hebatnya. Or I believe it so...

"Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience." -Paulo Coelho-

Don't lose faith yet,

One fine morning at Grand Palace.
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