Invisible

Invisible

I might look happy, but did you ever really see me?
I might sound funny, but did you ever really hear me?
I might laugh whenever you made a joke about me, but did you ever know what I feel?
Did you ever notice I have feelings too?
I might look amazed everytime you compared me with someone else, but did you ever notice that I'm hurt?
I might look nothing-happened everytime you didn't see my achievements, but did you ever know that I feel disappointed?
I might look grumpy and whiner to you, but did you ever look the good sides of me as everytime you look at him? No matter how much flaws he had?

I maybe don't have any sad stories like you do
I'm maybe not a survivor just like you are
I'm maybe not talented as you are
I maybe cannot do-everything just like you
I maybe forever cannot achieve your expectations

Those maybe are the reasons why you couldn't see me
I'm sorry for being nothing.



pic's from here

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It's The Damn Climb

It's The Damn Climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith

-The Climb, Miley Cyrus-

Siapa bilang skripsi selesai itu enak?
Biar masih ababil, tapi jenius juga liriknya.

Bukan cepat atau lambatnya, bukan juga hasilnya.
Tapi emang perjuangan itu nggak bakal ada abisnya.
Huffh.

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Me Recently

Me Recently

Really, I wanna post something cute, funny, and positive.
But my heart really is sooo gloomy recently.

The fact that it is D-13 from my boyfriend's job training that-I-don't-know-where-but-definitely-outside-Jakarta thingy.
The fact that my graduation is the last time I can see him before his job training.
The fact I'm soooo freaking dumb to realize my CV's gender was male. CV that I've sent to many many media in UI's job fair. Stupid-oo!
The fact that I haven't got calls from any medias, maybe because of my stupid stupid mistake.
The fact that yesterday had me proven that I couldn't catch something beautiful in frame.
The fact that I'm losing my sense of humor maybe because of my gloomy feeling.
The fact that I don't have something to do, and it's not actually-I-have-it-but-I-postpone-it.


Makes me more gloomy.
Thanks.

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Slip Tongue

Slip Tongue

Suatu malam, di dalam mobil...

Teman: "Ney, bawa kamera LDR lo dongg..."
Saya: "..........."

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Little Refreshing

Little Refreshing

So last weekend, my boyfriend and I decided not to do usual thing we do in a date like go to the cinema or dine in a nice restaurant, but we go to the museum! Yay! And it 's kinda refreshing, really. You really should try it!

If you're in Jakarta, Kota Tua Djakarta is a must. There are a lot of museums. My recommendation is Museum Bank Indonesia. Who knew that visiting museum means a lot of fun. Anyway, it's not like boring-static museum as usual, instead it's a modern-edgy-multimedia museum! It really was a big surprise for me actually, there's a very attractive museum in Jakarta.

So here are some photos I took in it.



Be inspired,

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Nostalgia. :)

Nostalgia. :)

Mumpung revisian udah beres, jadi teringat sesuatu...


Dulu waktu SMA, setelah dibuat patah hati oleh sahabat sendiri karena persahabatan yang kami buat sendiri, saya pernah berpikir...

"Mungkin nanti ada yang seperti dia, atau yang lebih dari dia. Dunia kuliah gitu loh, orang-orangnya udah dewasa-dewasa, banyak orang baru, pasti makin banyak pilihan. Mungkin nanti bisa melupakan perasaan yang ini."

Saya tidak sadar sampai si sahabat saya ini menelpon saya di suatu malam...

"Ney, gue lagi deket sama cewek."


And suddenly my heart stopped.

Ketika itu, saya baru tersadar, ternyata tidak ada yang bisa menggantikan dia.
Tapi tidak ada yang bisa saya lakukan, kecuali mendoakan dia bahagia.

Apalagi ketika melihat foto-foto mereka di situs-situs social-network itu, atau ketika bertemu sahabat saya langsung. Rasanya seperti ada yang hilang, entah apa.
Sakitnya luar biasa. Rasanya seperti punggung disiram es batu yang ujungnya tajam. Dan semakin sakit ketika harus tersenyum ketika sahabat saya ini bercerita tentang pacarnya. :)

Belum lagi ketika si pacarnya ini cemburu dengan saya.
Disuruh memilih, pada akhirnya sahabat saya memilih pacarnya.
Saya hipotermia.
Walaupun sebenarnya tidak rela, tetapi saya maklum dan berusaha terdengar santai seperti sahabat yang baik... Dan memang saya berusaha ingin menjadi sahabatnya yang paling baik buat dia.

Huah, ternyata perjalanan kami ndak mulus juga. :)



P.s: Jadi maklum kan kenapa saya nggak bosan-bosannya bikin posting tentang dia. :)

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Random

Random

Saya benci orang yang secara sadar menggunakan atribut-atribut tertentu, dan langsung menganggap dirinya lebih baik dari orang lain.

Penggemar musik metal nggak mesti gondrong dan tatoan kan?

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Pria Ini

Pria Ini

Pria ini masih pria yang sama dengan posting sebelumnya
Pria cuek, super sibuk, dan selalu kurang tidur itu saking sibuknya
Pria yang paling susaaaaah untuk dihubungi
Pria yang jaraaaang sekali mengucapkan kata-kata romantis

Pria yang sama yang menjadi sahabat saya sejak lamaaa itu
Pria yang sama yang membuat saya jatuh cinta sekitar 5 tahun yang lalu
Pria yang sama yang sekaligus membuat saya patah hati karena persahabatan kami
Pria yang sama yang membuat saya jatuh cinta lagi tahun lalu

Pria ini juga yang membawa saya yang berat ini jauh-jauh ke UKS waktu saya pingsan
Pria ini juga yang rela jauh-jauh datang dari Jogja 10 jam dengan motornya hanya untuk menemani saya makan sushi (padahal dia benci sushi)
Pria ini juga yang selalu saya larang datang ke Bandung dari Jogja, namun keesokan harinya saya menemukannya berdiri di depan pintu kamar, tersenyum nakal
Pria ini juga yang mengejutkan saya tadi pagi ketika dia mengetuk pintu kamar saya tadi pagi dan meninggalkan program pelatihannya hanya untuk menemani saya sidang hari ini

Untuk pria yang tidak pernah bicara 'manis' ini...
Untuk pria yang lebih sering membuat saya tertawa daripada 'meleleh' ini...
Untuk pria yang tidak takut mengkritik saya habis-habisan tanpa takut dimusuhi, yang kemudian saya jadikan cambuk...

I'm really lucky to have you.
I can't thank enough.



P.s: You make those 'teen-lits' sound lame. Anyway, I'm a bachelor now. Finally. Thanks to this guy.

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Pacar itu...

Pacar itu...

Cuek. Apalagi ditambah sekarang udah kerja, jadi super sibuk, kurang-tidur, harus belajar dan lain-lain itu. Bah, makin cuek. Hari sabtu-minggu aja susaaaahh banget dihubungin, mau sms, telfon, atau facebook. Udah pasti nggak dibalesnya. Entah lagi ke bengkel, lagi belajar, lagi jauh dari handphone, sampe lagi tidur. Sekalinya nelfon ya pas malem-malem mau tidur. Lima menit sebelum dia tidur.

Pernah nih suatu hari di hari sabtu, kita telfonan pas dia mau tidur. Aku lagi cerita panjang lebar. Dianya diam aja, kirain dengerin. Aku makin semangat cerita. Tiga detik kemudian, "krooookkk..." Sialan. Ditinggal tidur.

Tapi, di saat-saat aku down-dan-stress kayak gini, tiba-tiba ada MMS dari dia. Foto restoran bebek ginyo dengan tulisan "Minggu depan maem di sini yuk dekk!!" Dan entah kenapa pas baca MMS itu, aku jadi semangat. Bukan semangat menghadapi hari selasa, tapi semangat gimana caranya mengatasi hari selasa dengan baik supaya hari sabtu bisa jalan sama dia, bersenang-senang. Dan pas banget, aku lagi pengeeeen banget makan bebek.

Ah tambah kangen,
I love you, hamster.

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Boleh Dibaca :)

Boleh Dibaca :)

Kata-kata Diki kepada Putra:
"... lo bikin sebutan 'adik' itu supaya dia dan lo bisa lebih akrab dari orang pacaran sekalipun! Dan, keadaannya malah lebih baik dari harapan lo sebelumnya. Ronny dan Santi malah lebih baik dari harapan lo sebelumnya. Ronny dan Santi malah akhirnya putus karena lo, kan? Akhirnya, lo lah orang yang tertawa paling akhir, ya kan? Sekarang, nggak ada lagi penghalang antara lo dan Santi."

(Mahir Pradana - Here, After: 64)

Ada yang senasib?
Well, saya rasa quote ini 'ngena' banget ke saya dan mungkin banyak orang.

Isu ini emang sensitif banget. Dan jujur, pada awalnya saya pun ngerasa nggak penting banget ngangkat isu ini. Tapi ternyata hal-hal semacam ini bisa bahaya juga. Dan, setelah baca novel ini (yang pengarangnya pun kebetulan cowok), saya jadi ngerti deh sedikit-sedikit tentang persepsi laki-laki. Termasuk ketakutan-ketakutan mereka.

Kasus-kasus macam ini yang saya dengar, sering banget menimpa cewek, entah kenapa ya. Mungkin karena cewek banyak yang terlalu pake hati kali ya, nggak ngerti deh. Atau mungkin ego laki-laki yang terlalu besar juga, nggak tau juga deh. Tapi bukannya cowok nggak bisa kena juga. Dan di sini saya nggak bermaksud nge-judge orang-orang yang setipe di atas jelek semua, mungkin ada yang bener-bener beneran, mungkin ada juga yang sejelek-jeleknya seperti kasus di atas. Wallahu'alam.

Intinya adalah, saya sih berusaha naif aja. Yang pertama, nggak bermaksud membatasi pergaulan sih, tapi ketika saya berpikir saya menghormati pasangan saya, ini adalah salah satu caranya. (Kecuali kalo dia emang bener-bener nggak pandang bulu, itu sih nggak worth it banget.) Yang kedua, saya pikir saya nggak perlu-perlu banget juga sih untuk cerita ke 'Putra-Putra' yang lain ini. Toh teman wanita saya banyak, dan masih ada mama dan papa saya juga yang bahkan jauh lebih berpengalaman. :P

Nggak mesti musuhan juga sih, tapi juga jangan terlalu deket juga. Menjaga silaturahmi aja kan nggak harus intim juga kan? Lagian kalo emang mereka bukan 'Putra-Putra' yang lain, pasti ngerti, maklum, dan berusaha memahami situasinya deh.

Yeaa, I get it now.
You know what, if your guy acts like this, then you should be happy. Sebenarnya dia cuma takut kehilangan kita. :)



P.s: Jujur, pacar saya sih nggak pernah bilang terang-terangan, tapi yaah saya tau diri aja deh. Saya kan juga nggak mau kehilangan dia, apalagi cuma karena hal-hal yang menurut saya 'sepele' kayak gini. :)

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Teary

Teary

Sahabatku, bukan maksud hati membebani,
Tetapi...

Telah lama, kumenanti
Satu malam sunyi untuk kuakhiri
Dan usai tangis ini, aku kan berjanji...

Untuk diam, duduk di tempatku
Menanti seorang yang biasa saja
Segelas air di tangannya, kala kuterbaring... sakit
Menentang malam, tanpa bimbang lagi
Demi satu dewi yang lelah bermimpi
Dan berbisik : "Selamat tidur, tak perlu bermimpi bersamaku..."

Wahai tuhan, jangan bilang lagi itu terlalu tinggi

Curhat Buat Sahabat - Dewi Lestari

quoted from here.
somehow, this song always makes me teary. :'(

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I Wanna Hold Your Hand

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Jadi keingetan sesuatu.

Seperti yang kalian tahu (atau belum tahu ya?), saya punya sedikit keanehan. Saya itu sebenarnya takut cowok. Maksudnya bukan semua cowok, hanya cowok-cowok yang ketahuan (entah feeling, atau jelas-jelas ada buktinya) nggak cuma pengen berteman. Kalau yang cuma pengen berteman sih nggak apa-apa.

Untungnya, my very own bestfriend has solved this. :)

Tapi ternyata belum sepenuhnya teratasi. Saya yang belum berpengalaman ini, nggak ngerti cara mengekspresikan perasaan saya ke dia. Ah, nggak usah jauh-jauh. Pegangan tangan aja saya nggak bisa. Rasanya malu gitu. Kalau pas nyebrang sih beralasan lah ya, tapi kalau di mall? Berasa jadi kayak tukang pijet.

Anyway, untungnya si pacar tidak kemudian lari tunggang-langgang melihat keanehan di diri saya ini. Malah, akhirnya dia yang ngajarin. Hahahaha norak emang.

Alkisah suatu hari di MTA. Di lorong penuh orang...
Pacar: "Boleh nggak aku gandeng tangan kamu?" (which is so sweet, instead of main pegang aja, dia minta izin dulu, hehehe. Mungkin karena udah kenal sama keanehan saya.)
Saya: "Errr... Ih malu ah, banyak orang gitu, ntar diliatin..."
Pacar: "Yaudah, mau nggak diajarin?"
Saya: "Iiih, gimana caranya?"

Berasa dijawab, lorong di depan kami sepi banget, nggak ada orangnya...
Pacar: "Nah itu di depan kan sepi tuh, jadi nggak ada orang yang liat. Kita jalan dari toko A ke toko B gandengan, gimana?" (FYI, toko A ke toko B itu dari ujung ke ujung)
Saya: "Mmmm aaaahh yaudah deh..." (dengan berat hati, karena nggak ada alasan untuk menolak.)

Trus akhirnya kita jalan dari toko A ke toko B gandengan. Tapi jalannya jalan cepat. Sangat cepat. Hahahaha. Mana deg-degan lagi, plus udah blushing abis deh itu kayaknya. Hihihi.

Komentar dia setelah gandengan pertama kali sama saya:
"Kayak gandengan sama mayat, abisnya kamunya lemes gitu tangannya." Bhahahahaha!

Tapi setelah itu, dia jadi punya alasan untuk megang tangan saya waktu rame. Dia bilang, "kan kamu udah belajar..." Heuu, siaul. Untung sahabat sendiri, jadi bisa dijitak. :P

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Guy-Next-Door

Guy-Next-Door

Gloria: This is crazy...
Melman: It is?
Gloria: It's crazy to think I had to go half way 'round the world to find out that... the perfect guy for me lived right next door.
Melman: (smiles) Then I guess it's you and me, neighbor.

Gloria & Melman, Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa

It reminds me of something and someone, don't you think so? ;)
I love Melman.

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Love Phases

Love Phases

According to "My Status in 2010" on Facebook, I had some kind of love phases that you all may ever had too. Please noted that those phases are made by me, I'm so sorry if I made some amateur mistakes. :D

Moment phase - when there's a moment that just 'click' you with him/her with no reason, I don't know if it 'click's you or 're-click's you. In my case, it 're-click'-ed me. You felt a great happiness in this moment, even those butterflies came out suddenly. It felt like dream, and you're floating. Euphoria.
Feb 13:
- thanks to angkot Margahayu-Ledeng, our knight bus for today. (Ricco Suhardian, Olan Maulana)
- what a colorful weekend i have here with Olan Maulana and Ricco Suhardian. Wish it lasts forever. :)
Feb 14:
Instead of one, I have my valentine's day with two men, Ricco Suhardian and Olan Maulana. ROFL!

Post-Moment phase - when you felt sad, or realized there's something missing or felt strange somewhere inside part of your body. This time, your brain and you heart didn't sync, and even had a war. The colossal one. You felt like you supposed not to feel like this in this time, and it's sooo normal if you felt stupid for being unable to control your own body.
Feb 15:
my guitar is unemployed again. *sniff*
Feb 17:
Got no feel, I got no rhythm. I just keep losing my beat. I'm ok, I'm alright. Ain't gonna face no defeat. I just gotta get out of this prison cell. Someday, I'm gonna be free, Lord! (Somebody to Love - Queen)
Feb 21:
How come the only way to know how high you get me, is to see how far I fall? -John Mayer
Feb 25:
"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein



Galau phase - when your heart finally won the 'Post-Moment phase' war, and it affected your brain, a lot. And you couldn't say it directly, but you couldn't hold it inside anymore. Finally, you need to release those feelings. Some people found a way by writing it down on some social-network sites, or blogging/tumblring, with no mention or whatsoever, hoping that he/she'll read and notice it. In this phase, you don't care whether people would call you weird. You started to listen love songs, or love poets, love movies, or even search love quotes in google. (okay, the last part was me.)

Many people don't survive in this crisis-phase, and it's not your fault. It's your crush's fault, acute-idiocy, being chicken, being polite, or he/she just asked you to play, or even he/she's just simply a d*bag. If you want to play too? Go ahead. If you don't want to? Step back, immediately. In this part, it really recommended to share it with your trusted-sane-bestfriend.
Mar 02:
"Our heart sing less than we wanted. Our heart sing 'cause we do not know... The wonder that I made. I am here to stay. Stay." (A. Seyfried - Little House)
Mar 05:
i miss you more than words can say, i need a miracle now.. (i love westlife)
Mar 08:
la..la..la..la..la..la..la.. loving you, you know it's true, and la..la..la..la..la..la..la.. loving you, loving you.. (love it)
Mar 09:
"A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Mar 13:
had a great saturday night with Rashinta Stah Narulita K and Olan Maulana. Whatever happened in "Saudagar-Sea-Food", stayed in "saudagar-sea-food" yaa! Nila laut, si lumba-lumba, dan gara-gara nila setitik dibalas dengan air tuba. ;P (love) you, really I do.
Mar 18:
within you I lost myself. without you I find myself, wanting to be lost again. -anonymous-
Mar 19:
ingin menjadi wanita *sigh*


Confession phase - If you could survive until this phase, just be grateful. The crisis had passed, because he/she has read it and noticed it was him/her you always talk about. You feel like heaven on earth and a major relieved. Now you could say aaaalll the things that you've been hiding for so long. Congratulations!
Mar 21:
bismillahirrohmanirrohim. :)
Mar 24:
kangen yg ambrut. :')
Mar 29:
You could say my friend that is the end, or a new tale has begun.. (we are one-westlife)
Apr 03:
just have finished my very first soto banjar, mmm.. (love) (love)
Apr 11:
nempeeell... (nempeell? Aduaduaduaduaduu..) (love) (love)
Apr 20:
"aku mo ngomong serius nih sama kamu." "....mmm ya?" "seriusseriusseriusserius." "zzzz"
Apr 27:
"There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me. You say it best, when you saying nothing at all." (R. Keating)
Apr 29:
Provoost-Strip Biru

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Tu Me Manques Beaucoup

Tu Me Manques Beaucoup

I miss our 'silly' conversations
A long talk, just talked about us,
talked about the old times,
remembered about our stupid high school time, and Bandung-Jogja time.

When you touched my hair...
When you touched my eyebrows just because you know that's the easiest way to make me asleep...
When I squeezed your cheeks and you said, "mas koki" while moving your silly lips...
When I watched you sleep peacefully, and you even didn't notice it because of your '3-secs-sleep' habit...

When you just stared at me with no words because I did some make up for the first time, and you said I'm beautiful, and then I screwed it all by saying "ih, apaan sih?" while blushing because I didn't know how to response that, and you said, "you supposed to say thank you.."

I miss you
I miss our talks

It's funny how could I miss you even more when you're in Jakarta, than our Bandung-Jogja time.

It must be hard for him too.
You supposed to support him, idiot.
Not distract him.

Just....grow up, Ney.
Please, for once in your life.

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Another Random Dream

Another Random Dream

Weird in a good way.
So, last night I have a weird dream yet so real and very nice indeed. It included this guy...


Right. Jake Gyllenhaal.
He looked exactly like this expression, complete with his beard, his costumes and stuff in this movie, and his muscles, but no hood.

If you ask why, I don't know why.
Well, maybe because I watched Narnia before. So instead of Caspian, I dreamt about his bigger-and-mature-more twin, Jake Gyllenhaal. And you all know how I feel about those kind of guys (with beard and mustache thingy), sooo manly! :D

Okay, I'll give you a bonus (actually I'm bonus-ing myself, hahaha)

rawr!

Jadi ini dia kenapa aku kalo nyapu nggak pernah bisa benar-benar bersih. :D

P.s: Pics are from google and imdb
P.p.s: Pacar jangan cemburu yaa, kan kamu juga punya dua-duanya.. :D

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